After so long, I met up with Elaine on a one-to-one basis yesterday. Was suppose to meet her at 6pm at Bugis. However, as I was held up at work for a while, I reached there later. When I learn that she was feeling giddy, I rushed to change out of my uniform and out of the hotel. Was so worried that she might just faint without people realising. Girl, must take good care of your health...
After meeting her for less then 30 minutes, I spotted Jamie at Parco. The three of us shopped around for awhile. Jamie went to get her bag and Elaine bought a bag from Bugis Village. Then, we headed to Mos Burger. But as we did not know what to drink from there, decided to go to the Bubble Tea Hut instead. Jamie had to leave for dinner. So it was left with Elaine and I again.
Had a good talk with her there. Told her all about what happened between he and me, what he said to me, what I told him and what he wants me to do... She is just so terrific... Really feel like she is my twin sister. Knows exactly how I am feeling and what I am thinking then... Knows the reason for my every action even though I did not say it out... There is no other one who I can sit down and pour everything out to. Absolutely no one... Thanks girl for all the love and care you have given me... I am sure I am able to brave through all this...
We parted at around 10pm. Called him to pour my sorrows out to him. Heard from Auntie Daisy that Mummy got some $5000 debt to settle and they are pressing her for payment now. Really wonder what is going on in my life. Everything seems to go wrong... I have been feeling miserable since day one of this year... Broke down in the midst of our conversation. Could not tolerate anymore. There was too much for me to handle...
On my way home, felt a little giddy. When I reached my house downstairs, felt nausea. Tried throwing up in the drain but nothing came out. When I reached home, Auntie Irene and Wendy were here. But I was so sick to even look or talk to them. Went to change my clothes and immediately went to bed. Before that, tried throwing up in the toiletbowl once again but to no avail...
At 4am, something eerie happened. The television in my room suddenly turned on by itself!!! Could only turn it off by offing the main switch. Could not describe my feeling then. Not very scared... not very calm as well. A strange smell was sensed near the plug. Scared that something may happen, removed the plug from the switch...
Tried to sleep on the sofa in the living room... Could not get to sleep... Came back to my bed and took me quite a while to sleep...
He called me when I was on my way to work. I know he was being concern. Tried not to scare me further. So he tried to make me think that it was just an illusion. However, I overlooked it. I immediately screamed at him. Not bothering about the people around me. I said that he do not trust me at all... hate this type of people... ask him not to talk to me again...
At work, after I cooled down, I realised that I was too harsh on me. Messaged him to tell him I will be going to Chinatown to ask for quotation for our India trip... And apologize to him for treating him that way.
Mummy called me when I was at work. Told me she heard from Daddy about what happened to me last night. I told him about it this morning... Said our ancestors came back to visit us... That was why... Was suppose to go and pray... But the lady was not around already then... She will do so for me tomorrow.
No travel agents in Chinatown organises trips to India!!! Unbelievable!!! Wonder where do people go if they wants to purchase packages to India... Anyone knows? Shall surf the Internet to find out. We are thinking of taking the plane from Malaysia. Will be cheaper that way too...
Called him after that... Asked him if he wants to meet. Was feeling tired actually then but did not feel like going home. Miss him as well...
Said to meet at City Hall. Went back there, walked around aimlessly while waiting for him. Thought of buying something for him to make up for what I did to him in the morning. Decided on a muffin from Mrs Fields. Wrote words on it as well...
After showing him the muffin, I still brought it home. He never eats cakes and muffins and god knows what else!!!
Went for Dinner at Lau Pa Sat... As usual... This time round, ordered a total of 24 satays!!! And a plate of cockle fried rice. The rice is nice... Nicer then the previous time when we tried...
Sent him to work before taking a bus back. Slept in the bus. Was really tired...
He is going to accompany his sister to buy sari for that girl tomorrow. Was filled with jealousy when I learnt about it. Will I ever be able to win him back? His family likes that girl so much already... Treat her like family already... He loves his family alot... Will he do anything to hurt them. No... Never... Impossible I guess... But my heart aches each time I hear things about her. HELP!!! Let me out of this misery!!!
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
4:46 PM
Work was alright for me today. Nice! Left at around 5.45pm...
All my colleagues found out about us already. All share the same views... same thoughts... as me... I am not the only selfish one... So loved by them... They said, "Like how they protected me from David, they will protect me from him as well." Thanks girls...
Went to have 2 custard puff from Hans first before heading home. Was feeling kind of hungry and did not feel like having a heavy dinner. What a joke.
Went I reached Ang Mo Kio MRT station, he called me. Chatted for a while before deciding to go to Sun Plaza. For what? Just to go and try their.......... CHICKEN RICE!!! Stupid? Well, he claims that it is the best he has ever eaten and he has been saying that he will bring me to try it ONE DAY. That one day has finally arrived... after god knows how many months... =)
Told him about what my colleagues say... what my friends say... how they feel and see him as now... Evil me... Trying to make him change his mind? Do not thikn he will do it at all though... Stupid me...
Chicken rice was not bad though. The sauce is nice... tasty... But their rice was alot!!! Could not finish it. Love their soup. Just plain soup with peanuts!!! My favourite!!! =)
Stood at the enterance of Sun Plaza to chat for awhile. His sister called. Tomorrow's Thipusam and they are going to the temple later. That girl will be driving HIS car over. Going along with them as well. When he told me, I just move along with him. Like normal. Can I be like this forever? Can I forget about everything eventually?
We are planning to go India in March... Shall go see which part of India is nice and find out about the different packages that travel agents have to offer...
Am thinking now... Is he making use of me??? After 2 years, when he is married... happily (???) with his family... I will still be my lonely self here... I so hate myself now... Maybe his actions, words and feelings are genuine. But it just cannot deter me from thinking otherwise... Who knows what he is really thinking of anyway. Only he does...
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
2:19 PM
Ever since that day, talks have never been smooth sailing between us. All because of my so bad temper. I will never fail to start bringging up that SAME matter... never fail to start losing my temper on him...
Come Thursday... The day I suffered from real bad stomach cramps. Is it because of the cramp? Or is it because of THAT matter? Anyway, did not eat any proper meal from then till Saturday.
She came on Thursday. I did not know. He said he would be going to Malysia actually... They went to watch movie. Asked me along twice. I said, "NO!" It is either me or her... Of course, there seem to be no way out already. It has to be her. Will be parying that miracle will happen one of these day.
Could not sleep that night... Called him at 5am. He was just beginning to fall asleep. Of course, with her beside him.
Called me in the morning. After he left home. Was suppose to bring her to Sentosa. In the end, God knows where they went to.
Called me when he reached Malaysia...
Called me again to cool me down...
Said he will call me again. But I waited his call for the whole night... Not even once did he call.
Messaged him every hour. Message was not sent through... Keep having wild imaginations... Almost went crazy then...
For the whole of Saturday, have been trying to contact him. Last resort: Called his home in Malaysia. Do not ask me how I got the number. You will not want to know. I was taking a big risk then. He may hate me forever... For "spying" on him till this extent.
However, that was not the case. He was supposedly to come back today. But, because of me, because he knows how depressed I was, he came back yesterday. Had a talk with me. I could really feel the pain he was in then. Imagine... An egoistic guy... Could actually talk till his eyes turn red... till his eyes fill with tears... till he really kneel to beg me for forgiveness. I told myself I have to be strong. I cannot let tears take control of me. I succeeded. Manage to not drop a tear at all in front of him last night.
Went to work this morning. The first time ever working on a Sunday... and alone... A very quiet day. Manage to leave at 4pm sharp.
Went to Orchard to meet Wendy... She wanted to shop for her New Year clothes. I so do not have the mood for the New Year this time round... God knows why...
After combing the whole of Orchard, she managed to get a set of clothes...
Went to Cafe Cartel for dinner. My eyes could hardly open already. Did not have a proper sleep since Thursday. But he said I even snored in my sleep last night!!! Hurried home after dinner. One reason was because I wanted to sleep already. The other was because my handphone's battery went flat already. Was afraid that he would call me...
Guess it is high time for me to change phone already... The battery life span is shorter... It does automatically off and on by it self... Spooky...
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
2:47 PM